Workaholics Review: The Future Is Gnar

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This will be my final installment of the Workaholics reviews until the new season picks back up. Let’s all collectively weep before beginning.

Grade: B

What?! That’s what most of us were thinking while watching Workaholics’ season three finale. The sci-fi theme this episode took might have been too bizarre for some, but I found it so strange and out of the ordinary that I couldn’t help to find it funny. I guess I’m just a sucker for Adam fisting robots.

The three guys always get recognition for their tremendous chemistry and acting abilities, but they are also tremendous writers. It must be a challenge to make an episode that was this focused on such an unordinary plot. Yet they were able to establish their own futuristic world that worked well with the usual TelAmericorp setting. The way they still used the typical workplace comedy and applied it to the science fiction genre showed off their impressive writing skill.

The episode starts off pretty normal with the office listening to Alice introduce a new product. This time it’s an automated telemarketer called TINA, which basically does the job of Blake, Adam, and Ders without having to pay commission. This frightens Blake so much that he imagines a world where TelAmericorp is under the harsh, robotic rule of TINA.

In this world, all the workers have turned into cyborgs which despite being “way more freakin’ doper” also comply with all the demands of Alice and TINA. The guys have yet to enter “Orientation,” the process of becoming a cyborg. Instead they are trapped and get high on “Huffy White Heat” to pass the time. Alice finally comes for Blake, but Ders mans up and asks to be taken instead.

While Ders is in the process of becoming an Oriental (classy touch Workaholics), Blake and Adam are able to escape using the gas they decrease their brain cells with. They then save Ders right before his eyes are scooped out. Ders isn’t out of danger just yet as the probe he ingested is slowly making him a cyborg. Blake declares there is still time to prevent it because, “you can tell he isn’t oriental by his eyes.” No good episode is complete without a subtle hint of racism.

Blake and Adam have to take drastic measure to prevent their friend from turning half robot. They have to pull the probe out of Ders’ ass. The Kill Bill references start piling up in the episode once the thing that comes out of Ders’ butt looks like the weapon Gogo Yubari uses. They finally remove the probe as Ders is now literally loose butthole.

Before escaping the guys face their toughest obstacle, the perhaps mentally handicapped Bill. Adam takes control of the situation and makes the only smart decision. He kills Bill (our second reference to the Tarantino masterpiece). They finally get outside of TelAmericorp only to find that the building is surrounded by an electric fence. It takes a spark of morality for them to go back and save the rest of the office.

In order to save the office, they first have to kick their asses. The guys get past cyborg Montez, Waymond, Jillian, and Jet Set (the last episode Jet Set will be in, super sad) by showing off their awesome roundhouse kicks and highflying “Triple Dude Attack.” They fight their way to Alice’s office.

Alice tries to eliminate the guys by using cyborg and guest star Tom Green. Unfortunately for Alice, cyborg Tom Green didn’t like her snarky attitude and chops her head off with his laser hand. The guys then find TINA’s mainframe and attempt to destroy it. In order to bring TINA’s destruction, Adam has to use a little foreplay. He sticks his fist in TINA’s “pleasure circuit” until it finally breaks down due to extreme satisfaction with Adam’s moves. Everyone returns back to humans, the guys become best friends with Tom Green, and so goes the story about how Blake, Adam, and Ders saved the day. We come back to realize that this was all a story by Blake and he wasted everyone in the office’s time.

In the season three midseason finale, we had an episode that showed the guys in the past. The season finale gave us a glimpse of the future. Sure their idea of the future is really weird, but what would one expect from the gods of weird. The episode was also well writ and easily assimilated the audience into this strange, science fiction plot. This will be the last episode for a while, so take it sleazy. And I’m out.

Adam “Cause Problems” DeMamp Quote of the Week: “It’s too late to abort it, which is exactly what my mom used to say about me. I’m going to have to murder you.”

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About CJ Cunningham

21, Senior at University of Pittsburgh, Tottenham til I Die @cj_cunningham22

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