Ranking Mad Men’s Facial Hair

vincent_kartheiserAs Mad Men is well into its sixth season, the characters are welcoming in the Woodstock Era of the 60s with a new fashion sense. The women are wearing more flashy clothing and sporting new hairdos. What’s even more exciting are the “interesting” facial hair decisions made by the men. 

1.    Pete Campbell’s Sideburns

It seems as if Campbell has finally accepted who he is with the addition of the sideburns, a douche. Although he is keeping them at a subtle length, he cannot contain how awful he is. His wife Trudy has finally seen the light and kicked Pete’s cheating ass out the house. He’s been alienating his co-workers with his snideness and no longer has a single meaningful relationship in his life. While Don Draper’s life is slowly spiraling out of control, Campbell’s is slowly doing the same and it is much more satisfying. And for his downfall we owe his douchey sideburns. Thank you sideburns.

2.    Harry Crane’s Sideburns

Harry-CraneYes, sideburns are in fashion for the Mad Men but Crane’s serve a different purpose. They are an attempt to take a character that was once a lovable screw up and try to make him a serious badass. So far in Season 6, Crane has called out Joan for receiving a partnership by sleeping with a client, try to fight for his own partnership, and challenge Campbell in a battle of the sideburns. Although Crane trying to get his is a welcomed sight, I still miss the goofball Harry that was sans muttonchops.

3.    Michael Ginsberg’s Moustache

Mad-Men-Ginsberg-S6-E1Ginsberg is a creative genius. He understands exactly what the clients are looking for in their ads. What he doesn’t fully comprehend is the opposite sex. Never in his existence on the show have we seen Ginsberg with a lady. In the last episode, his father set him up with a beautiful woman only for their date to apparently go nowhere. Hopefully his porn stache will eventually be putting in work with the ladies by the time the season is over.

4.    Stan Rizzo’s Beard

8632681612_f4c4602365_bIt looks more and more like Stan has only one purpose on the show, to be the scruffy stoner. Seriously, I dare you to find a Stan moment where he isn’t smoking weed or grinning like an idiot because he just finished smoking weed. The Fleet Foxes beard just contributes to his “I don’t give a fuck about this job anymore” vibe.

5.    Bert Cooper’s Goatee 

Bert-Cooper-Character-CapAlthough we didn’t have a Cooper appearance in the last episode, his facial hair deserves a spot on the list because of its consistency. For six years straight he has made us contemplate whether his goatee resembles more of an evil villain goatee or a Colonel Sanders goatee. I have settled on Colonel Sanders. I’m also complementing what exactly Cooper does for the company besides having a lot of money. This I’m not so sure about.

6.    Abe Drexler’s Goatee 

peggys-mad-menAbe’s Frank Zappa cover album is due out in June.


About CJ Cunningham

21, Senior at University of Pittsburgh, Tottenham til I Die @cj_cunningham22

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