So…What is Tennis All About?

I’ve been half following the Australian Open the past few days. Quite honestly, I’m pretty confused.

It seems simple enough. Large men and grunting women hit a small, neon ball back and forth until someone slips, someone gives up, or someone smacks the ball into the net.

Wait…that’s not what it’s about? Okay, maybe I was wrong. So perhaps it’s about getting to watch foreign people play, because Americans never happen to play in any round past the quarterfinals unless they carry the last name of Williams. So what do people find so enticing about this sport? More importantly, the question everyone asks: “How in the hell do you make it though an entire tennis match?”

1. Tennis is a fashion show – just ask Denim Serena Williams Yeah, it’s quite a sight to see.

2. These balls travels really…really…really fast. Seriously. Watch the digital board on the baseline of the court, it’ll provide entertainment for a few minutes.

3. Racquet smashing. It’s the non-baseball equivalent of Bo Jackson smashing a bat over his leg. How many other sports do you get to see really expensive things smashed? Because remember, kids – smashing one racquet is never good enough. Smash 4 instead.

4. The ball boys and girls are awesome to watch. What sort of child abuse is this? Small children have to run around and chase tennis balls for 3 and a half hours in the Australian heat just so that people can hit them again? Seriously…watch, and tell me that it isn’t an incredibly strange tradition at tennis matches.

4a. Watch the ball boys and girls on the baseline when the serves happen. They’re essentially targets for the players to hit on the serve. I think that players should be awarded points if they hit a ball boy or ball girl. Extra points for head shots.

5. Things like this happen. Appearances in this article: Serena – 2, Venus – 0.


To be continued